I chose to be smart and intelligent

 

Everybody has a choice and the choices you make define you, for all the people out there who are struggling with depression and anxiety and fear and anger and cruelty. For all the people who suffer in this world, I tell you now, you have a choice to change your life, so stand out stand tall, talk about your anxiety, talk about your problems, talk about what hurts you. Talk about you, come out stand out talk about yourself, let me see you let me feel you let me trust you let me hear you…

Let me know you, let me know the real you, let your words be fluent and sound like the wind against the shore of a coastline.

I was born in Romania on 14 June 1992. I am but a kid who has grown up so fast it never really bothered me to ask myself where did I go wrong. I was born in a military hospital in Bucharest.

I was furious and frustrated I suffered for years and years without any hope, until one day someone came up to me and said, hey, bro, are you ok? I know you, you are not crazy, come be my friend, so from that day everything changed in my life, I stopped watching TV I stopped lying to myself that I was a bad person and a cheater, I stopped stealing money. I stopped ruining my life.

All good, until one day I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. I was devastated, I was a wreck I had a panic attack on the spot, I yelled to the world and to god why would you do this to me I’m only 18 years old. But then I found the cure, and doctors told me it was psychiatric medication… I started taking drugs, prescription drugs, I still take them today, it felt good for a while until you get the side effects. Those suck.

I had side effects from my medication and I think I still have some of those even today. I’m 28 now and I don’t have a child, I’m not married I had only four girlfriends all my life, two when I was sober and two when I was on medication, doctors told me I am bipolar and that I need treatment that I have anxiety and depression attacks and sometimes become a maniac…

Bipolar disease from what my doctor told me consists of having mental breakdowns with depression and maniacal episodes. I don’t feel like I’m a maniac right now, to be honest, but anyway, the doctor also told me that I have psychotic episodes and need treatment, medical treatment for a long time, and that was back in 2014. It’s been 6 almost 7 years since I take medical treatment for depression, anxiety, and mania.

Its been a while while I was on this medication, sometimes it was getting me high sometimes it was making me sleepy and sometimes I just feel very cold.

The coldness feeling that I get from time to time comes from the artificially created medication that I use, they are not natural, I mean my medication is not plant-based it’s artificially created by man to stop some functions of the brain and body from going crazy.

They say my medication is the only thing keeping me normal and sane. But I do not agree to that, I think what is keeping me normal and sane is the fact that I make myself busy every day, I write, I stream video games, and I keep a journal, these are the things that make me normal. Not medication, they say I can’t be normal anymore because I had a psychotic episode, I say they are crazy, the doctors are crazy to look what they did with COVID-19, the doctors are going insane, they are hallucinating, a person who keeps a journal, streams, and records video games, and writes on a blog is not crazy, he’s an intellectual, and I will get to the bottom of this godforsaken truth.

They tortured me in hospitals for 6 years and tell me I am still sick this in going in the wrong direction my friends, how much can we lie? how much can we manipulate people? how much can we keep them under control? how much and for how many years can we keep people dumb and asleep while the big guys go out and have fun, how much can we as humans kill, forget, and blame one another for our own made misery, our own made hate, and our own made diseases, this has to stop one day, and I will be there the day it ends…